16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
