woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
