Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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