I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
