'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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