do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
