____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
