I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
