nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
