i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
