have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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