my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
