My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
