She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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