i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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