We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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