I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
