Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And then my night got REAL pukey
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
