So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
