Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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