I bet he comes in French.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We are two peas in an std pod
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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