My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
