i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
