Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So squirting runs in the family.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
