we're chasing vodka with high fives
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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