Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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