there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
