I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
