i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
