So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
