how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
