a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
