Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
