There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize