the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize