Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize