Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
