Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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