have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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