This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
