He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
