he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
