Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
porn star boner night. come get it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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