I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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