i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
