Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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