Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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