the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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