Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
