So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
