we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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