I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.