I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.