I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?