I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.