I need help removing her.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage