Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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