STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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