he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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