I think im going to throw up on grandma
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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