im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
