Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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