This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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