Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
