I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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