remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
