He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
