It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
