fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
