What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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