I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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