i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
