I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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