She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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