Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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